so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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