Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
