oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
