I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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