My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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