I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize