i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize