weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
