I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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