How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
