girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
