I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
