Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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