Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
