Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize