why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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