Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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