Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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