this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
