She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
