The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
