You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
