So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize