why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
