Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Are we still banned from the library?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize