Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
