i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
