I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
