I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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