So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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