If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
