Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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