Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
