he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just gift wrapped bread.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
