I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
