i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
