M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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