So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
