my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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