So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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