UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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