i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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