They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
