Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
