Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
