so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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