I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
