dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
