As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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