i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
