Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
