just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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