In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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