last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Even my vagina gasped.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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