i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
