o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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