I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
