he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
