Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
