I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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