Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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