batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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