I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
