wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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