I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
